She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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