I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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