i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
