I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
