i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
