btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
