Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
