Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
do herpes really smell.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
