I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
