i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
