I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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