I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We are two peas in an std pod
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
