why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
