Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize