Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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