okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
