I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
