You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
