just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
