even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
