Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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