I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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