Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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