that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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