therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
