guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Come see our sink grown plant.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
