Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I didn't notice because vodka
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
