wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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