Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
