I just cut my nipple shaving
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
