Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
