We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
