Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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