I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
