If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
