I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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