Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
