He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
