Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
