we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
