i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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