So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
