Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
