i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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