I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
