A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The best revenge is premature balding
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
