So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
