i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
