so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
