are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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