guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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