Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
