I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
