non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
