she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
