pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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