I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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