I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
