Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
