Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
