Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
