youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
