he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you had me at cake vodka
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
