if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
