paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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