I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
