I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
two words: eviction party
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
