just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
