I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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