so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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