Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
