Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
