i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
