Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize