I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
