i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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