so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
